PTSD
-
I understand why there had to be consequences for my behavior. I lost my job. My career. My housing. Some friends. Some family. I had to drop out of graduate school— with a 4.0 GPA— and move in with my parents. The people I’ve hurt may never forgive me, and I have to make peace…
-
What if Amazon employees had a union? If you work there, you probably just glanced over your shoulder to see if someone caught you reading that sentence. The word “union” can get you frog-marched out of the building (It’s illegal to bust union activity, but the fines are cheaper than solidarity). I’m allowing myself to…
-
“This is a great example of Ownership. She did a lot of work to benefit the entire company” In my last performance review, multiple reviewers cited my raising the bar in the Ownership leadership principle. It won me a Coffee Kudos award. I appreciate the kind reviews, but I’d like to talk about the Dark…
-
If you’re ever in intensive therapy for a psychotic break, one of the things they may teach you is handling consequences. Having a psychotic break isn’t your fault, but it’s your responsibility. I’m still finding out things I said and did and I cringe. That said, I’m responsible for all of it. Whenever I flirt…
-
After everything that had happened, I had no idea who I was— or who I could say I was. Evidently during psychosis, I had given a different name to police and acted opposite to all my beliefs. Isn’t who we are defined by the things we would never do? I still cared about people’s feelings…
-
At Amazon, we use a technique called “Five Whys” to identify and eliminate the underlying causes of operational defects. I will be using this technique to analyze my mental breakdown and hopefully help you avoid winding up in a similar situation. Problem You ran outside naked, screaming nonsense — including offensive slurs — at birds.…
-
The Hospital “[Patient] Unable to Sign” That’s what my signature read on the hospital intake paperwork. Was I awake and uncooperative, or was I asleep? I have no memory of arriving. I didn’t remember the full extent of what I did to be admitted either. My mind wasn’t recording memory like usual. I spent those…
-
During psychosis, the inside world and the outside world don’t match up. On the outside, you’re naked screaming offensive things at a pigeon in the Safeway parking lot. But on the inside? You’re solving quantum gravity. The last thing I remember is calling my boss crying, telling him I have to quit because I can’t…
-
After coming out of the mental health facility, I felt oddly hopeful. They weren’t able to find me an outpatient psychiatrist, but the Zoloft seemed to be working. Or so I thought. In congruence with my healing, I started taking on projects. Lots of projects. Collecting antiques. More than ten thousand dollars worth of antiques.…
-
CW: This post contains some detailed discussion of a suicidal action, if that’s triggering to you, I suggest skipping ahead to the Mania chapter. Just know that I survived and got out of the hospital (and you can too). The New Job When I heard about burnout, I always assumed it was something that could…