I understand why there had to be consequences for my behavior. I lost my job. My career. My housing. Some friends. Some family. I had to drop out of graduate school— with a 4.0 GPA— and move in with my parents. The people I’ve hurt may never forgive me, and I have to make peace with that.
I understand the social disciplinary role of stories like mine. “Hey, this person ran outside and screamed offensive things on LinkedIn and now their life is ruined: don’t be like them.” My story is a deterrent from anti-social behavior. But I also want my story to offer you something else: hope. Hope that even if you do completely ruin your life, there’s still more life to be had.
You can still find joy in small things, like buying your nephew a train set.
You can still contribute to society, even if jobs are harder to come by.
You can still find medications that work for you.
You can still make living amends for those you’ve hurt, and live in the promise that you’ll never do it again.
Diogenes lost everything too. He lost his citizenship, his social status, his home, his freedom. He owned almost nothing. But he still kept going, kept carrying his lantern, kept caring for dogs. He found meaning in the struggle, and left his mark on history.
If you’re broken like me, maybe you can do the same.
You don’t get your old life back, but you still have a life.
Maybe that can be enough.
The end