I know I’ve talked about some genuine cruelty at Amazon, but the paradox is that’s not the majority of workers you’ll find. Most Amazonians are kind and inspiring. They made me want to be a better version of myself. A helpful teammate. A reliable mentor. A friend.
I’ll never forget the engineer who pulled me aside and told me he noticed ideas were treated with extra hostility when I was the one voicing them, and asked if our org had a race problem. “How would I prove that?” I responded. He didn’t have an answer, but the effort meant everything to me.
I’ll never forget the other engineer who pulled me aside after a manger flipped out on me for asking a question, and confirmed that his behavior was inappropriate. She even helped me find a mentor after anti-mentor. She was everything I wanted to be.
I tried to be a positive voice on the team and encourage others, even during times of extreme stress. Two separate reviewers described my positivity as “infectious.”
I tried to be a good mentor to the junior engineers. I didn’t want them to go through what I went through.
I tried to help my co-workers feel special and valued by keeping track of the office birthdays, and bringing in treats to celebrate them (to my former co-workers: I hope I helped you feel special and valued).
I did this for years.
Slowly, it caught up with me.
All my talk about being kind was about to be tested.